[Title TBD—Something clever & cryptic about (‘post’)modern media criticism.]

[Snazzy opening line]. Modern criticism is [robust statement about the changing state and woeful hollowness of modern criticism]. Yahoo’s premature (hyperlink: article about article) review of not-yet-released ANTI shows this [extrapolate] conclusively. [Summary of happening and fallout].  ¶? [Due diligence:…]. [On the specific expectations of Yahoo as a populist propagation-device with its own specific set of industry-regimented demands]. [“Some stories on Yahoo, including this story by .MIC, are selected and published by an algorithm”—quote from release; do with that what you will].

¶? [insert: (prominent media {name outlet} figure/culture critic) called it [link to tweet w/quotation], which [statement on how ubiquitous even mentioning said author and statement has become, and how this ‘redoubles matters,’ so to speak]. ¶? This shows [sweeping argument for what we expect from criticism in this enlightened (ironic sneer implied) age]. [broad lesson from this sweeping statement on our expectations]. It is a paint-by-numbers, (m)ad lib, fill-in-the-blanks wonder.

¶ [Connection to how our brains and desires work]. [Thoughtful statement to glide into next paragraph and graft onto a larger social construct; or, remain elliptical and mysterious to fan intrigue; or, poignant-cum caustic quote/paraphrase from marginal but still well-known philosopher/writer/artist to build credibility and springboard off lovelier works than my own].

¶[Historical context of criticism; show the work]. [Placeholder for absurdity and paradox of value]. [Plagiarize liberally]. [Find a new vantage into this analysis if you can]. ¶? [Connect to the nature of consumption; you always like to do something with that]. [make sweeping generalizations then shirk backing claims]. [On SEO dictated/generated prose and changes to the contours of language].

¶? [Empathize with rapidity and pressure of modern information exchange]. [Meta-discursive tangent on self-importance and indulgence of my own tactic here]. [Acknowledge rabbit-hole reflexivity]. [Speak using the second-person construction]. [Approximate paroxysms of ill-portent/woe]. [Clip from relevant thing].

¶In a perfect world […yadda yadda]. Yahoo’s carelessness sadly, fascinatingly shattered this fantasy. A piece of art, or simply a popular product in “artistic” (see: calculated) wrapping, is released into the world [something happens of significance]; it is pored over and analyzed with… [how?]. ¶? What’s the balance between careful consideration of its cultural value and its artistic integrity and the concessions of demand? [reiterate speed of information exchange and how this guides curation/elides specificity]. [tamp down indulgent language]. [Link to fitter/happier to set the tone]. [Don’t forget to get rid of all the brackets]. [Will this achieve its own warped readability? Will the brackets fade]. [Gestalt reception/brain wiring—typoglycemia?]. [is there more between the bars or just lifeless indulgence?]. [Conclude with something profound, dammit; give the people what they want!].

This article was written by Oliver O’Sullivan, a writer for dusk magazine. 













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